the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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