Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
