That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Randomize
