I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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