my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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