Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
