So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
