dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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