Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
oh god the rape fog is back!
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
