his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
