We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize
