Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
