sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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