I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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