Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize