He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
