My brain says no but my pants say off.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
