If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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