i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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