He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
What a dumb baby whore.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
