fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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