well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You can't motorboat a personality
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
