then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
