i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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