If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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