Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
