is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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