you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
