I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
