Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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