I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
