the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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