I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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