You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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