i can't believe i had my finger in that
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
