Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
is it fun? or sober?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
