dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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