"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
