I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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