If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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