apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
even my farts smell like vagina
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
