btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
