How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
