Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I got a message the other day that just said “great titsâ€
A gentleman AND a scholar
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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