matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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