I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize