I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
