I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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