ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
