im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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