Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
