At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
