i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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