Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
