Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
