Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
