Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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