Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
