Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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