Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize