dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
