puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
