wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
