I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
i think my cat just said my name.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
